Dating Classics #1

It's only a week until my wedding and I cannot stop thinking about some of the major dating blunders I experienced before meeting my husband (and well, he and I have our own share of dating blunders together, but that's another story).

Once upon a time I had the pleasure of reconnecting with an old flame from High School, shortly after graduating college. He was athletic, charming, and looked a lot like David Boreanaz (aka Angel, from that Joss Whedon classic -- ANGEL. Or, if you're picky 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'). He showed up in an older Toyota, a 98’ Camry if memory serves correctly and no, I normally do not pay much attention to the car a gentleman suitor picks me up in, but for some reason he was insistent on bringing a lot of attention to the car. So what? Right? Well, I get it, boys like their cars (and so do a lot of women, but I just don't really care). We had a decent first date. I wouldn't say there was sparks, but we were 22 and so there was definitely heat and we had a lot of memories in common which instantly bonded us. A second date was totally inevitable and a really good kiss at the end of the date made up for any lack of romantic spark during the date!

On the evening of our carefully planned second date he told me he had a surprise for me. Which is why the second date was planned with the efficiency of a man about to propose. I was to be home at precisely 7:47 p.m. right about the time of Magic hour in our early-summer, Midwest town. I was to wait for him on the porch, not inside my house. I was becoming extremely anxious. I hate surprises. Ugh. What if I don't like the surprise and my not-so-poker-face features cannot hide my complete and total disgust. Ugh. What if it's such I good surprise I'm just not worthy of it? Because I wasn't able to reciprocate his feelings yet? Ugh. It was torture, yet there I was at 7:45 p.m. waiting on the porch for the approaching 7:47 hour.

And at 7:47 p.m. he showed up. In a different car, a black Mitsubishi Spyder. Which I only noted because, I was on the look out for the Camry. As he pulled in the driveway and got out of his car he had a huge smile from ear to ear.

Date: Hello!

Me: Hi!

Date: Do you like your surprise?

Me: What surprise?

I started thinking I must have missed it! He must have sent me flowers or something and I wasn't home all day and ohmygosh I blew it...

Date: My surprise is YOU passed my test!

Me: Test?

Date: Yeah! I was testing you and you passed! Isn't that great!?

Me: Huh?

Date: Now I can pick you up in my real car! Surprise! I actually drive a “Spyder”. I make really good money. The Camry is just my "test" car.

Me: I don't get it.

Date: I have a system. It allows me to grade girls on a scale of 1 to 10 to see what kind of money-grubbing-ho' they are before I let them know I have money. You get it! You passed and now you can know I drive a Mitsubishi Spyder. You're like, perfect.

Me: Fail.

Date: Huh?

Me: I have a system to. I check with my gut to determine what kind of dick you are and you just got Major Douche-bag, congratulations!

Date: You're a nice girl; don't be like that.

Me: Wow. Next time you think about asking out a girl remember girls prefer pink Hot wheels and Woman prefer Men, not boys who drive cars they call Spyders.

That was the end of that.

#dating #jaimeparkerstickle