The Great Parking Debacle
The Great Parking Debacle
“We built this city, bum, bum, we built this city on au-to-mo-biles…” Yep, Los Angeles is a car city. When I see tourists walking around Hollywood I think, did they rent a car? Because if not, this is it: this small, two block radius of Hollywood and Highland. There’s no way they’re going to get to the Pacific Ocean without a car or drive up the Pacific Coast highway. What about Disneyland and California Adventure?? Or even a hike, we have some of the most extraordinary hikes, only accessible by driving to them. I always find myself hoping they rented a car so their entire trip isn’t just the wax museum and Ripley’s Believe it or Not. What people fail to realize when they visit this massive metropolis is that we have a serious lack of public transportation. Sure we have a metro, but that costs over a dollar a transfer and goes to a very limited number of stops. Cabs are like unicorns, but we do have a decent Uber system now, however those rides tend to be, well, more epic than you might think, like the one time the Uber driver came all the way from Apple Valley, CA. That’s where he lives, 2 hours outside Los Angeles (that’s 2 hours with no traffic), but I will tell those stories in a different post. This city is so spread out and massive the buses take hours to go ten miles. Seriously. We live in a city that requires a car. Statistics show (the census) that in fact 85% of households in this city have more than one car. Interestingly several of my retired neighbors who are either the only driver in the household or one of two drivers in the household have in excess of four - FOUR cars per household… we’ll get to that shortly, but you did notice I said RETIRED, as in always home. Living in a car town without easy access to public transportation, one would think that parking would be a given. No. Parking is a commodity. Not because there is a lack of space - no, rather there is a lack of revenue, and therefore the following is just a sample of any given street in this fair city:
And this:
Basically the city is telling us we can live here and pay plenty of taxes, rent, and astronomical mortgages, but we can’t park here – not without paying excessive parking fees and fines. This really sucks if you’re a renter in a home or building without parking and are required to find street parking. It can be a horrible nightmare. When I was a renter I spent hours circling the neighborhood for parking. When I found a spot, it would be late at night, far away and would require a change of footwear. It almost always made it worth parking illegally and paying the ticket just for the safety of not walking home alone in the dark. It would put a real damper on what otherwise would have been a great night.
When the hubs and I purchased our home one of the highlights and a huge selling point for us was… the washer and dryer, (I’m so happy not to collect quarters anymore!) The second (and more on-topic) selling point was the driveway and carport. Ohmygosh! Our very own driveway, which equals parking and enough room for two cars! Or so we thought. Let me back up, the driveway hadn’t actually been laid with cement when we went into escrow so we were unaware of the steep 90 degree incline that it would ultimately end up being. Anything smaller than an SUV will scrape up and down when you pull in or out of it. Sigh. And while it has proven to be a nuisance, we can at least park one car in it. And guess what? We park car number two in the street. Mmhmm, but, third selling point: we live on one of the only streets - only streets in Los Angeles without parking restrictions (P.S. it also happens to be the shortest street in Los Angeles, and that is a fun, little factoid). A residential street without parking restrictions… it’s what legends are made of! You’d think we had it made. Easy peasey. No complaints...
Let’s get to it, shall we? Every homeowner on our street has a driveway. An accessible driveway. Except us… and of course the other newbies, our dear neighbors across the street, Nice Guy and Nice Girl… well, technically they do have a driveway and a garage, but it’s one of those double driveways, so their neighbor “shares” it… or rather parks one of their four to six automobiles in the middle of it so it is inaccessible to Nice Guy and Nice Girl, and since Nice Guy and Nice Girl’s neighbor is retired and owns four to six cars (sometimes car five and six disappear) they not only use up the double driveway, but also multiple street spots on the shortest street in Los Angeles. And just like us, Nice Guy and Nice Girl are also forced to park at least one of their cars in the street all the time so it is accessible without having to wake up the neighbor every morning to ask them to MOVE THEIR CAR SO NICE GIRL CAN GET TO WORK. Sigh. The other multiple street spots they use are in front of our house – for the two cars they use most frequently and finally they have one American muscle car that’s just for display, which they park in two spots in front of their house.
Allow me to continue on this quick rant for a moment. Every street parallel and perpendicular to ours has the typical Los Angeles restrictions of street cleaning hours and restricted parking. So all the folks that patronize the local shops or live in the apartment buildings on those streets also park their cars on our street over night, since none of the apartment buildings and none of the businesses offer parking. Quick reminder, we live on the shortest street in Los Angeles – literally. Oh, and do you remember my 87-year-old O.G. neighbor across the street? Well he has a beautiful driveway that could easily park 4 cars. But don’t worry, he’s the only driver in the house so he only has TWO CARS. And you guessed it, yes BOTH of his ancient, boat size Buicks are street parked only, because you know, that driveway is just for looks, just for looks. He has one parked directly in front of our home, and that one hasn’t moved in months… months. The other one he uses… to drive around the block twice a day and then sometimes sit in. He parks that one in front of Nice Guy and Nice Girl’s house and if anyone happens to park there while he’s driving around the block, driver (or parker) beware! Because when he comes pulling around that corner and sees a car in “his spot,” he hits it… with his car. First he hits you from behind, boom, then he pulls in front of your car and continually backs into your front bumper until his Buick is sitting on top of your car. God forbid the driver is still in their car, oh boy, the 87-year-old O.G. starts threatening with hand gestures, screaming and yelling, “that’s my parking spot,” and he will, “take you out.” Oh my, there is so much parking rage. Remember the Buick he’s had parked in front of our house for months? The one he never drives, and I mean MONTHS? Well, it’s also parked in a spot and half, so he takes up two full street spots.
Here is the car from two angles. See the spot in front of the Buick? Looks big enough for another car, but don’t let it fool you it’s only enough space for a Smart Car or a Mini Cooper, you’re not fitting in front of him, trust me see pic 2 below, it’s a ticket waiting to happen, or one tired/drunk/tipsy driver clipping your front end.
Okay, where am I? What am I trying to say here… parking is a nightmare on the corner of Merman Way and Happy Street. Seriously. Often, the only spot available when I get home is my driveway and since my Sedan won’t make it up the 90 degree incline, I parallel park in my apron. It’s my driveway, so I can do that, but before I get to that story let me continue with a few others.
First, there was this car:
This dilapidated car sat in front of our house taking up valuable parking real estate for four weeks. WHY? Because that’s how long it took the LAPD to send a car over to review it, find out it was stolen and have it towed. Don’t worry, we definitely made sure we called it in daily, “Hello, we’d like to report an abandoned car, with a flat tire and broken wheel, left parked in front of our home.” Four weeks. So if your car has been stolen, it may have been found by a neighbor in a different ‘hood… you just won’t know it until you’ve purchased another.
Then there’s this guy:
His truck decided to stop running and instead of having it towed he decided to have a couple of guys assist him in pushing it to the curb where he is now currently residing in his immobile truck… for the past week now. And don’t worry if you don’t have a residence upon moving to Los Angeles because you don’t need one. You are actually allowed to live in your car on any street you want that doesn’t have parking restrictions, according to the LAPD - it’s the law now. So there goes that valuable parking real estate. Though, we continue to call and report it.
Now, what’s left? Oh right, my driveway. So, I parallel park in my apron. Again, it’s my driveway so I’m allowed to do that. It is my right. I don’t claim the public, non-restricted curbside parking on the block as my own, and I don’t fight you, call you names, or even huff and puff if you park in front of my house forcing me, at thirty weeks pregnant, to walk half way down the street with my groceries, nope, but if you park blocking my driveway with your big Chevy Avalanche so I cannot use my driveway, or have access to it, then we have an issue. And that’s exactly what happened. Though on the day this happened, a Sunday morning, there were multiple, MULTIPLE streets spots available, but our neighbor, a neighbor with a driveway, decided to use mine as his parking spot. Why? We’ll get to that, first a quick note on the windshield from my hubs (names and identity have been protected):
And now, a long Dear John no, kidding, a long-winded lack of an explanation minus any apology or misunderstanding from said Neighbor and Chevy Avalanche owner (quick little side note, I worked on the Autoshow circuit for a bit and the Avalanche was one of my cars, I don’t blame the Avalanche, but it is a massive eyesore):
Let me rewrite this for you in case it's hard to read:
Hi Jason,
I know parking is tough at times but after living over 30 years on the same block you learn to work around it. I apologize if you thought I was parking in your drivewaybut I'm that type of neighbor. I didn't even park there when there wasnt a driveway. I had to make a quick stop to pick up something for a friend. I saw your and your wifes cars parked and saw you guys walking your dogs. I thought I made the right move instead of stopping in the middle of the street w/hazards on. Unfortunately you cant make everyone happy.
Now, here's a video link of our Neighbor with the Avalanche PARKING in front of our driveway for over half and hour (well, here's 10 minutes of it). You'll note the multiple open parking spots not used in the video, these are only the ones visible from our security cam, but the whole street was in rare form mostly open:
And I do agree with him, you can’t make everybody happy. But at his age of thirty something, I think he would make his parents happy if he moved out of their home. And I would be happy, because it would be one less monstrosity parked in the street taking up multiple spots. Hello - once again - it’s the shortest block in Los Angeles, literally.
EPILOGUE…
Here is where I park:
If you look across the street, you’ll see Nice Guy and Nice Girl’s driveway, but those are not their cars. No, those are 2 of the cars the Retired couple park in the middle of the shared driveway making it impossible for Nice Girl and Nice Guy to have access to it or their garage. And just to the right, you’ll notice their muscle car on display parked in what could be two spots, but because they don’t want anyone else parking in front of their house, they park in both and then, see the big white truck in front of my car? Well, that is ALSO the retired couples car. So, lucky me, I got 4 of the six cars in one photo this morning! Easy peasy!
